I saw one of these ads recently. They’re the be-all-end-all of the neoliberal bootstrap logic. You are not a person; you’re a human, and you would be functionally identical to all other humans if you worked out more. If you got Crossfit buff you would see that the prime thing that unifies people across race, gender, class, ability, and the entire host of possible subject positions is their ability to get buff as hell. Run in a group in a forest so you can dash into a fire better. Be more human. Don’t become more risk-averse; your body can take the punishment if you’re appropriately buff. Become more resilient. Be more human by becoming somehow less human. Become more human by becoming a machine that overcomes obstacles, throws tires, transports around a weird jelly sack that sits inside of you skull and tells you to avoid traumas. Be more human. Kill the parts of yourself that tell you that strange universalist cult behavior might be destructive. Hunt down the parts of yourself that warn you against creating your body as an efficient running, springing, lifting machine that serves no purpose other than fulfilling the promises of sports equipment advertising companies.

Be more human.