The Kickstarter Made

So you may know that I created a kickstarter to fund my next game, Funeral, and to make fun of the very concept of kickstarters. 

AKA Operation: Make Stuff

First off, I want to say thanks to the people who are donating and to the people who will donate in the future. You’re really making MY DREAMS COME TRUE (TM).

Second, I want to guilt you for a second. If you come to this site regularly, read the work that I crank out every single day, and vaguely enjoy what I have to say, you should feel guilty enough at this part of this sentence for me to suggest that you plop down $5 to FURTHER FUND MY DREAMS (TM).

On the actual kickstarter front, there will be some amazing content up in the next few days. I have some special artz that I am going to add to the page that everyone should enjoy in their own and UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE (C) way.

Of course, there might be something running through your mind. You might be thinking, “Well, he has the cash, what now?” which is a fair question. I stole this concept from the FTL kickstarter–I thought that I would tell you some of the things that are going to be implemented between now and the creation of the game. These could also be thought of as promises that I have no intention of keeping, if you want to think of this list in a certain way.

So:

The Final Game, or Thanks For The Money 
There is very little of Funeral that actually exists at this point. I have figured out how to make four-directional movement work with minimal stress. Here are some of the things that will be added between now and release.

Absolute Lack of Customization: You don’t get to choose your main character. It is a lot of time out of my life to create multiple main character sprites, and to be honest, I have no idea how I would create a character selection screen. It just isn’t going to happen.

Some NPCs: It is a lot of work to create unique NPCs. There might be, like, two in the final game. Old Baldy McWhiteguy and Nice Woman of Indeterminate Ethnic Origin.

Party Development: Five minute RPGs don’t really have time for party development. There will probably be a mechanic where your “ability to hold yourself together because of extreme sadness” meter goes down in small but noticable increments.

An Ending: The game might just crash Chrome at the end.

Incredibly Deep Meta Game: Multiple endings. Your choices really matter. Visceral combat. Realistic romance options, but only for cis straight white men. You’re telling me you were mean to a potted plant in the opening cinematic when the QTE kicked in? You can’t get the best ending.

Soundtrack: There will be one long, droning sound that serves as a soundtrack. I will probably record other things, too, like the dishwasher and some cats purring.

YES

This entry was posted in Video Games and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.