Randy Quaid Might As Well Be Dead

So I’m in the middle of writing a long-ass research paper on Cormac McCarthy and Bataille and Child of God, but I thought that I would take a little break to tell you all about the fact that Randy Quaid has gone crazy.

The article would have you believe that Randy’s wife, Evi, drove him crazy:

“They wanted to separate us,” said Quaid, “because Evi is very intuitive and very smart. She’s the smartest person I know. You can call her crazy, you can call her whatever you want, but she is my lifeline, and if she wasn’t with me, I don’t know where I’d be.”

I don’t think that this is the case. I think that Randy Quaid could be one of two things: really, really fucking stupid or mentally ill. The article leans heavily toward the former–it would have you believe that Randy was fine until he met Evi, and that slowly, over years and years, that she screwed with his mind and ego until he did whatever she wanted.

I just want to believe that he’s truly gone crazy. I want to believe that Randy Quaid, on the set of Vegas Vacation, saw something deep in the underbelly of the world that broke his mind. I want to imagine that Randy is the Hollywood Lovecraft. He had a critical moment, came into close contact with the Real, and came away scarred. How wonderful would it be if the Hollywood Star Whackers were a real group of people? How fucking kickin’ rad would it be if that was their real name?

But it’s probably not true. Randy Quaid has probably just gone off the deep end. I mean, what else would this be?

“We haven’t eaten at a table in a restaurant like this in 18 months,” Randy said as we settled into a corner of the brightly lit tearoom, which was otherwise empty. Both Quaids were glancing nervously around.

“They’re hunting us,” Evi said. “It’s really happening. They’ve got us in a spiral. ‘Don’t let up on ’em. Drive ’em off the road. Starve ’em to death.’ ” She was slapping her hands together for emphasis. “ ‘Pull their money out of their bank accounts.’ ”

“I guess I’m worth more to ’em dead than alive,” Randy said mildly.

A third option, which is one that I find more intriguing that the two previous, is that this could be the same thing that Joaquin Phoenix did. Is racking up massive hotel bills Randy Quaid’s version of the big beard?

Probably not.



This entry was posted in General Features and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.