Do you see the title that I gave this post? That’s not what Magic: The Gathering is. It’s a filth-ridden hole for thirteen year old children to crawl into and emerge as forty year old men with no lives. Magic: The Gathering is walking into a bathroom stall that is inexplicably painted with semen. Magic: The Gathering is knowing your mother is going to be dropped from a cliff, Gwen Stacy style, and swinging in to catch her just in time. Then she turns into a hyena and tears your head off, laughing a bestial laugh.
I play Magic: The Gathering. I make no excuses for its terror.
Last night I went to a semi-local (read: it was an hour away) gaming store and played some game. The populace of the store went this way: some high school kids that didn’t look like they had ever showered, a couple forty year old men, a guy that wore a magical pouch on his belt, a few other people, myself and my roommate.
The game is fairly complicated, but not so much that the random person couldn’t pick it up after a couple games, and I walked through all my matches except for the last one. I went 3-0 and won $24 worth of cards. That was cool and all, but the whole experience forced me to analyze the culture a little.
It’s all about talk. Sure, there are a lot of things that are all about talk. Politics is all about talk. New Jersey is all about talk. This kind of talk is different. It’s all so much posturing and claiming you know more. Knowing about the newest release, knowing what a card does by simply seeing the art, knowing what the best play to make would be in any situation. The best posturing of knowledge is done by the people that don’t know anything. The guy running the tournament about the same amount of knowledge and skill as I do, but he acted like he was Magic Jesus to everyone there.
Maybe I’m getting caught up in the posturing. I don’t think so, though. I wasn’t the one with a magic pouch who kept blowing kisses and banging on the table. I wasn’t the obvious alcoholic that worked for FedEx. I wasn’t the forty year old man.
I was the guy calling bullshit about everything. Maybe that’s a good thing; maybe it’s bad in that I can’t let myself get caught up in things. In any case, the culture itself is so strange. It’s like a nerd’s football: everyone has an investment, everyone wants to win, and there are so few people that really get it enough to be good players.
I don’t know. These were thoughts.